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It’s hard for me to turn down a challenge–but I’m facing an entirely new one now.

The very last thing on earth I ever wanted to be was a needy, awful girl. I never have let a man get in my way–are you kidding? But now I’m trying to unlearn some of that–to learn what it means to soften, not weaken, and to expand, not constrict. I swung really hard in one direction and am gradually finding my way back to a more balanced state.

It’s that seeing and hearing a potential partner in real life involves a lot more risk, vulnerability, and humanity than a simple text or like. A The combination of texting and dating apps has created a profound change in courtship.

Collectively, we’re already so immersed in it, it’s hard to perceive that change.

My understanding of feminism has evolved, too–in that you don’t have to hate men or beat them in order to be a powerful woman. And I have no regrets about the choices I’ve made in my life (except, of course, for the school dance episode, and a few others to be sure).

But I’m well aware that my tendency to fight and compete and fear losing to men has made it incredibly hard for me to love the way I know I could.

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